It’s snowing!  I feel like I have been in the “waiting place” on so many levels.  Waiting for it to be Winter not grey Fall. Waiting for a schedule that I can work around with Myles and TC.  Waiting to go on vacation, then waiting to get back home.  Waiting to feel like getting back to a training plan.  Waiting to feel excited again, waiting for life to feel less chaotic and a little more blissful.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Then I just got fed up.  Enough of the waiting! I told myself, “I am getting after this.  I am going do whatever I can to feel good on the inside and then I will watch as the things I am stressing about fall in place magically around me”.  I needed to put the oxygen mask on myself first before I could help anyone else.

As you know, I am really into alternative healing and connecting to the energy that creates worlds.  I have been on an intense healing mission since 2004, with many ups and downs along the way.  I would get a hit of energy and ride it for a while, but I would always end up crashing and facing the same demons over and over.  It seemed the more I tried to “fix” myself the worse it got.

Although the past couple years have been filled with amazing personal and professional moments, I found myself struggling much more than I had hoped.  The end of this season was a huge relief for me.  The pressure was off.  But that is not how life works. The pressure is always on!  I feel that many of my experiences are not for sharing, but needless to say there were many things I was facing personally.  On top of that Myles has been going through huge transitions as well.  Yes, change is good, but I would like to admit that it is very hard.  And exhausting!

I just had a dropper full of “restructuring” tonic from keeping time essences.  Pretty cool stuff.  Check out www.keepingtime.com.  Thanks Meredith Rose!

So, I just finished a 3 day anger release ceremony.  It is really hard to get mad after denying it for years.  Very healing though!  Don’t worry.  It was my own little ritual out in the woods and no one had to deal with the wrath.  For so long I had just been maintaining the notion that spiritual people are not meant to get angry.  Well, sometimes you have every right to be angry and you should just let it out!  My release was more tears than rage anyway. . .

I also met an amazing woman here in Durango (Marie Redfeather) who has guided me through a light-body healing as well as a soul retrieval.  It has taken me 33 years to be ready to do this stuff, and believe me it is intense.  So right now I am integrating all these deep level shifts.  I find it no accident that I started this last healing push right before the Winter Solstice and now we are facing Mercury in retrograde.  I never did take the easy road!

So, cheers to change! And getting mad, and getting it out and being excited to move forward.  I have started to paint and just ordered a belly dancing CD.  I felt guilty yesterday for not going for a run (or wanting to) but that guilt is just the old me.  I have run (or pedaled) on guilt and fear alone for over half my life.  Now I will run when I want, and I won’t be running away from myself.  Or running to find myself.  I will just be running because I love it.  Here is to reclaiming your true power this year!  Happy 2011. . . . love and light and all the good stuff.  xo

PS.  The work is never done, so it might as well be fun!

Pretty much everything has changed.  For the good!  I have been asking the universe for everything I want, as long as it includes the most loving solution for all.  I got it! A new job with TREK World Racing for 2011 an 2012.  TC and Myles here with me as much as possible.  Health. Happiness. Abundance in all forms.  New friends, old friends, stronger love.  In many ways the best year of my life has also been the hardest.  It has been worth every second.  No doubts, no fear, all new.  Big changes are my speciality!  I am packing for Vegas, again, I know.  With a girlfriend this time.  Lots of shows, lots of sparkle and heels.  Hope you all are fabulous.

http://www.refresheverything.com/drysidevelodrome

Thanks!!

It is hard to know where to begin when offering training tips.  I think it is different for everyone, so I can only share my personal experience.  I plan on writing a book about this someday, but for now I will try to keep it brief.  I have a unique philosophy on training and racing.  I believe that less is more, and the power of your thought is greater than the power of your legs.

I have reached this conclusion after years of struggling, over-training, over-analyzing, over-obsessing and basically just suffering.  I was always naturally athletic, but my sense of self-worth was always compromised.  I believed that if I could be lean enough, pretty enough, fast enough and victorious enough I would finally be happy.  I put all my eggs in the bike racing basket, and when my results were poor, so were my spirits.

It has taken a few life crises, many loving and caring guides and major life changes to see that I had it all backwards.  I needed be compassionate and nurturing to my body and soul, regardless of what happened on the race course.  The harder I tried, the more I really just wanted to love myself.  When I can align myself with a high-love vibe, and be appreciative for my life, that is when the magic happens.  I have made a pact with myself that I will approve of myself before the results, and that no medal is needed to feel that my life is worthwhile.  When I free myself up to be the joyous creature I came here to be, then the training and the racing is fun again!

My success on the bike is directly linked to the effort I have made to clean up my vibrations.  Let the past go, relax about the future, just have fun today.  Here are a few physical training tips, as well as some tips to get into the “zone”.  Let’s face it, the zone is all about feeling good and living in the moment, and that is always fabulous!

1) Align your thoughts first, and then go train.  If you hate it, if you are dreading it, if it sounds like no fun, I think you are wasting your time.  FEEL good first, and then do the physical work.

2) Once you are out there, make it count.  Ride with someone faster than you on the hard days and enjoy the challenge.  Appreciate what your body is willing to do for you!

3) Realize that sometimes your best is doing less.  If you honor your feelings, you will know when it is time to take a break.  Getting in touch with “you” is the most important thing you can do as an athlete, and as a person.  Only you know how you feel, only you will be cheating yourself out of rest or training.  You are your own witness.

4) Feel the love, everywhere in your life.  As much as possible surround yourself with love and give it out endlessly.  Eat good food, have friends, thank your body for putting up with you, relax, share, do what makes you feel good!

5) Try standing-start hill intervals.  One foot on the ground, ready, go.  10 minutes, repeat 3 times.  You will always be confident on the start line!  The starts in mountain biking are very important, you want a clear track and a clear head.  Practice does make perfect.

6) Take time OFF the bike.  I love exercise, it helps me FEEL great.  I leave my bike in the garage from October until the beginning of February.  I run, I cross-country ski, snowshoe, snowboard, stretch, do workout videos and play.  I believe my body needs a break from hunching over, and so does my spirit.  By the time February rolls around, all I want to do is ride, no matter how cold it is!  You can alter this formula however you choose, but time off the bike is key to making big gains from season to season.

7) Surround yourself with people who understand your passion, and who have passions of their own.  You want to infect each other with greatness!  My coach Rick Crawford believes I am awesome, Myles believes I am awesome, my friends and family believe I am awesome, and I think they are all awesome!  Choose to be around people who love you just as you are, and love others just as they are.  Breathe the clean, rarified air of positive vibes.
Be multi-dimensional.  Hang out with friends, have some wine, buy some shoes you like, watch some movies, laugh more.  Don’t wish your life away waiting for the next race.  Make your life count right now.

9)  Use your imagination.  Be delusional about your greatness.  Be a warrior, be an angel, be a kid again.

10)  Use your breath. Let it go, let it be easy.  Breathe through your heart to connect in love.  Breathe through the back of your head to watch your effort dissolve into nothingness.  Trip out on it!

11)  Have fun out there. . . . you are divine.

TC getting ready to hit the pump track

I wish I could be more patient sometimes.  For example, when USADA comes to my door and I have a million other things to do. . .. .  I wonder why I even put down a test time of 7 AM when they are NEVER there at 7. Ever.  I am actually just writing this blog right now so I can just keep some sort of personal space, which always feels completely violated when they are just sitting in my kitchen.  I wish I could say I trust the system to catch the dopers, but I think it is just set up to create an illusion of control.  Anyway, I wish that I could somehow act different when they come over but it just makes me feel like I am on parole or something.  Maybe someday I will be a better person.  Ha!

I have been doing these workout tapes from Tracey Anderson (Madonna and Gwyneth’s personal trainer) and they are totally kicking my ass. The arm workout uses 3 lb weights and it is just ridiculous how sore I am right now.

I feel like I am going to puke right now from all the liquid in my stomach and I have had way to much caffeine, and I still can’t pee.  Uggggh. I just went off on a tangent about the totalitarian tiptoe to the drug testers.  Next thing you know they are going to try to put chips in the athletes so they know where we are at all times.  Yeah, I know, I am a little fanatical.

Well, I have a massage at 10.  Wonder if I am going to make it.  The drug testers said that they could come watch me get a massage if I want.  Creepy. No thanks.

I know everyone says this, but time is just flying by.  I need to go ahead and stop exercising before the real training begins. Ah, well, I am completely addicted to exercise, so I am not sure if that is going to happen.  Enjoy your freedom!  I will just keep sitting here. .. ..

Burgers are really awesome.  They taste great, they are good for you and they are easy to make (especially when you got a man working the grill). Todd, Meg and Snoodles are coming over and I can’t wait to show Meg my closet.  I have a lot to celebrate tonight, but I can’t say anything yet.  But it’s good.  The nice thing about staying in is I can wear impractical shoes and not have to walk far.

The leaves are all gone from the trees, and the temperature is getting chilly.  Good thing I have a few trips planned!  I feel really blessed, especially lucky and continually grateful that I always get a second chance.  I have been really into Rumi lately and here is a favorite.

“If you are wholly perplexed and in straits, have patience, for patience is the key to joy”.

I have been getting spam mail from a dear friend who is now in another realm.  Annoying at first, but then I went back in our e-mail conversations.  Jacalyne was my first real spiritiual influence.  Here is a poem I sent to her in one of my darkest hours. Madrid, Spain.  2008.

I wrote a poem that was inspired by the bellman in my hotel. I told
him my favorite spanish bike racer was Pedro Delgado. He said “oooh,
they always said he was like thunder. When he was there he was “WOW”
and when he was not “muy mal” I laughed and told him I was the same.

If Delgado is thunder
than I am rain
struggling, suffering, dealing with pain

it doesn’t matter in the end
glory fades and beauty dies
all that’s left is what’s inside

and how you deal with ups and downs
can you smile
when you’d rather frown?

this is all but a test

just wait

I am not finished yet

I have surely hit the bottom
but I am swimming
toward the autumn

It will soon be funny
when I look back and think
“man those 3 weeks sure did stink!”

but look how it broke me
then molded, sculpted and polished
a new me, as infinite as the sea

I am thankful for the pain
because after the thunder and the rain

I can see it’s all a game

his game has been
my life of work
sometimes I have gone berserk

nothing is worth that kind of torture
so on with the show
’cause I’m a soul searcher