I am going to keep this as simple as I can. This week I have been drowning in the emotions of the collective consciousness (and unconscious). As an oracle, this happens often. But this week was super intense. You feel me? The Harvey Weinstein thing, the trending #metoo hashtag, the whole agenda of patriarchal and matriarchal systems using fear to hide the truth.
I have been moody and bitchy and on the verge of tears. I wrote an email to my mentor Nicola of 7OM. I basically asked, "why is everyone whining and moaning about their boss harassing them or getting catcalled, when rape and torture are so much worse? Men have been bullied and tortured by the system too, can't we just all move on?"
She answered my question in our Temple Group today, (if you love priestesses and witches, you would love our Temple!) basically reminding me that it's about being seen, heard and held when you need it. It's not about women vs. men (although there is a strong agenda being pushed to convince us of this!), it's about all of humanity throwing off the illusion of fear and separation and stepping into Sacred Union. Sacred Union with ourselves, Sacred Union with the Divine, and Sacred Union with our lover.
I realized right away that the "little me" was just feeling jealous and alone. All of these women were being validated on social media, listened to and loved. I was never "validated" for seeing and knowing the truth of my abuse as a child. On the contrary, I was "punished" with the programs of fear and guilt.
The little me still needs a hug. She needs to be seen, and she needs to be validated, by ME. And she will probably always need this from me. I have to be soft enough to put my shield down and hold her close. Sometimes we need to let our hearts break all the way open. We don't always need to stitch them back together as fast as we can.
There was no betrayal, rape, darkness, confusion or fear worse than the feeling of abandoning myself. I abandoned myself and the truth in an effort to escape a witch hunt. Betraying myself ultimately did not work. It never does. When the group I grew up with sensed I was awakening out of of my self imposed slumber, they called me crazy. They called me a liar. They told everyone I had false memories implanted into my mind. They called me a slut. In hindsight, it made it pretty easy to escape and set myself free. There are no accidents. I can tell you a very real truth. It is far better to be "crazy" and free, than it is to be "sane" and sedated.
The point of journaling today is this: you belong to YOU. You are the only person who can really validate you. The truth is between you and The Source, and this is the connection you can always trust.
If you have been victimized, you do not need to remain a victim. You can choose again. You can say, "Self, we know how that experience feels, how about we heal this shit and create something magical?" Have the courage to begin anew. We can only assist others, the planet, or other worlds, when we honor ourselves first. It is not a selfish act to walk away from what no longer serves you. It is brave, and it is beautiful, and you will be amazed at what unfolds as you take the very fist step into freedom.
There will be tears from time to time, but they are not just our tears, they are everyone's tears. And they can wash you clean. When you feel like you might be drowning, that is when a mermaid will rescue you. The mermaid is you, and You, and YOU. It's all you. And you can finally breathe. Your first delicious breath of now.
